I’ll believe corporations are people when conservatives ban them from marrying each other.
Parents out there naming their kids things like, Montana and Carolina and Dakota, but you never see anyone with the balls to name their kid, Idaho
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did you write “call Gary in HR for lots of really disappointing and hairy sex” on the bathroom stall?
[wearing my “I hate gary” tshirt]: no
*releasing hundreds of balloons from the ceiling onto the dance floor* these are all full of my breath. the inside of my lungs is touching you enjoy your dance
I know I’m gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.
Cry if you missed someone.
Try to shoot them again before they leave.
My lunch consisted of taste-testing 30 opened bags of chips in the pantry for freshness.
“I have so much to do” she says, staring at a tree for five years
JESUS: Take and eat; this is my body
JESUS: Drink. This is my blood
ME: Can we get another waiter please!
JESUS: This is my mixtape
12 Signs You Might Have Leprosy – Number 8 is jaw-dropping!
Maybe artists wouldn’t be so starving all the time if they’d just eat all that fruit they’re always painting.