I think I’m gonna shave my legs so that there’s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
Parents: What foreign language class are you taking this year? Me: Math.
You Might Also Like
Me: You’re going to prison?
My French accountant: Oui
Me: WE are going to prison?
You never know how strong you are until someone’s story runs more than 5 mins
I write vampire jokes but they never see the light of day.
Why is it called a bathroom towel and not a john linen?
WEBSITE: You must be legal age to view this content. What year were you born?
ME AT 13: [Playing it safe] 623 BC
Yeah baby, I’m the lead singer in a band. Well, more of a backing singer. More of a Drummer. Triangle player..Roadie. I Saw a band once.
Do I still have feelings for my ex husband?
I think “stabby” is a feeling, right?
Jesus and Mary will occasionally appear on toast, or pancake, or waffles. Always breakfast foods. Why? Because it’s the most important meal.
MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle “If I Only Had a Brain” from the Wizard of Oz.