[Battleship: Guilt Edition]
Me: You sunk my Battleship
Friend: Hah yes!
Me: But 70 people were on the ship. They had children
Paris is suing Fox News for repeatedly insulting it. Also suing them for the same reason: your intelligence.
You Might Also Like
I will be tweeting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
My therapist told me he doesn’t eat bacon or drink coffee, I told him he’s the one that needs a psychologist.
I choose what country to visit each year by the shape of the first chicken nugget I eat.
Deer: I have a proposal for you
Rabbit: I’m all ears
Deer: HAHA I get it, cuz of the whole big ears thing
Rabbit: That’s pretty hurtful Jeff
[first day on wind farm]
me: *placing bucket under turbine* what do I squeeze
I imagine the best part about driving a smart car is that when there’s no parking spots you can just put it in your backpack.
Researcher: The data are wrong so I sent Jenkins to the lab to review the calculation-process-thingy.
R: No you stay here and help me.
friends who just got married:
We were kind of hoping you’d stick to the registry.
me *crestfallen*: you don’t like the jukebox of screams?
My wife must have some big surprise vacation planned.
She left a note by the bed telling me I had until tomorrow to have my bags packed.