[Listening to Hungry Like the Wolf]
10yo: When did this come out?
10: 19 or 18?
[party in 1939]
teen: truth or dare
teen: dare you to invade poland
hitler: omg no way u guys
all the teens: DO IT DO IT
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I came in like a lion and went out like a kitten.
single because i didn’t forward that chain mail in 2008
[hears a baby crying on the train]
Can somebody put that thing on silence please?
“It’s a baby..”
Sign at the gas station: “Bathroom is no longer available.” I can’t believe it. Even the Shell bathroom has someone.
So, turns out the fig leaf is not appropriate apparel for the modern office, even on dress-down Friday. Who knew?
Friend: compliment her eyelashes, girls like that
Me: you have nice eyeball hair
FRIEND WHO JUST GOT BIT BY A VERY VENOMOUS SPIDER: Hurry, the antidote!
ME: This reminds me of a time
FRIEND: No, not an anecdote! *Dies*
Twitter: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk dial the world?
Saw a man at the beach screaming, “SAVE ME..I’m drowning”.
I instantly uploaded
his pic, captioned “1 like = 100 prayers” on facebook..!!