To celebrate Halloween I made my scary movie hating husband watch, “Paranormal Activity” with me, waited till he fell asleep and ran through the house with powder in my socks leaving strange otherworldly footprints for him to find. The exorcism is being scheduled as we speak.
*Password must be hard to guess*
New Password: H0neyWhatDoYouWantForDinner?
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My wife’s yoga class is really relaxing…
‘Cuz she’s usually gone for at least two hours.
Guy science: The proper amount of time for a pan to soak before cleaning it is until you need to use it again.
I wanna see a video where professional dancers break out into nursing.
My daughter just said that I’m the best dad she’s ever had. So I got that going for me.
Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
My wife has been helping my neighbor hook up his VCR for 3 hours now.
Starting to get suspicious…
What kind of monster still has a VCR?
I think I just went to third base with a jelly doughnut.
No matter how good your raspberry body wash smells, don’t be tempted to drizzle it over your ice cream. I’ve been burping bubbles for days.