A friend just texted me & asked for relationship advice. That’s like asking the pope to name all the members of Slipknot.
– Password must be stronger –
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I told my sons that we used to have to ask girls out and even break up face to face and the look of horror on their faces was priceless.
Trapped in a crevice. “Go on boy, get help.” The dog chews off my one free arm. “Ok yeah bring that back to town I guess”
imagine a reverse pizza. the missing hole on the table where the pizza is meant to be. everything else is pizza. the solar system. the air.
Saw a guy with a barcode tattoo on his neck. Scanned it with my RedLaser app & he couldn’t believe I found him cheaper on 3 online stores
I made a cool diagram of how the Spanish Flu worked in 1918.
Sometimes I drink water just to surprise my liver…
Celebrating christmas in another country, santa leaves a chicken cutlet in my boot. “Is that good?” No one will make eye contact with me.
Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait.