You know who also didn’t have a Valentine? Jesus Christ. And he was dead by 33 so this isn’t looking great for any of us.
Password must contain a capital letter, a number, a plot, a protagonist with some character development, and a surprise ending.
You Might Also Like
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because I’m riding a Big Wheel on the freeway?
Officer: A STOLEN BIG WHEEL
There’s a spider that’s been in the same place on my living room wall for an hour so he’s essentially also watching Shrek.
Obi-wan: You don’t have a shot with Padmé.
Anakin: Don’t underestimate my charm.
*stares at her creepily for the rest of the movie*
Forcing my general contractor to dig his own grave. He says he can be done by May, maybe June. Depends on some other jobs.
Son: “Mom, Dad we need to talk…. I’m a vegan”
**Mom cries running out the room
Dad: Why can’t you just have a normal eating disorder?
If you look in the mirror & say “pumpkin spice latte” 3x a white suburban girl will appear & tell you everything she loves about the fall
I just opened a Valentine’s Day card that was filled with heart confetti. I don’t remember the last time I was this angry.
*air horn sound*
*second air horn sound*
Me: “This isn’t deodorant.”
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.