You start a mosh pit at the orchestra one time and all of a sudden you’re “banned for life” and “arrested”.
Past elections: Which candidate will most improve our country?
2016 election: Which candidate is least likely to start The Purge?
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Back to Future II is so unrealistic not a single person takes a selfie or gets bullied on the internet
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
5yo: I love tv
Me: if you love it so much, why don—
5yo: I’m going to marry the tv
Note to self: Take Mila Kunis picture off of vacuum before taking it in for service next time.
They’re really bad with fonts.
Why is it the only thing a woman wants out of a man these days is security?
Well it’s the first thing they say when I approach them.
Do you guys ever put sheets over your dogs so they look like little dog ghosts? Me neither.
[zombie movie set]
Director into megaphone: “We’re about to start rolling. Look alive people!”
*actors look around confused as heck*
Which of the f’s in ‘Jeff’ is silent?