Paul McCartney wrote ‘Yesterday’

But he also wrote ‘Obla-de-obla-da’ and ‘Ebony and Ivory’

So, don’t worry if some of your tweets are shit

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Job interview…

H- “So how would you describe yourself?”

Me- “Verbally but just incase I prepared a dance”..


What if the washer has been stealing the socks and we have just been blaming the dryer?


My kids seem to remember everything they ever wanted to tell me whenever I’m in the bathroom with the door shut.


“Can you cook dinner tonight?”

Can’t. New meds say I can’t operate any heavy machinery and that stove doesn’t look light


-Little Black Dress
-Cute flats
-Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading, we revolt at dawn.


Before this goes any further, it’s important that I know your position on foreign films with subtitles.


Im still waiting for a movie in which someone says “buy me some time” and the guy goes and buys him a clock


Baby, tonight let’s put the kids to bed, pour some wine, turn the lights down low & argue over whose turn it is to move the Elf on the Shelf


Nearly all murders are committed by someone you know, so you are statistically far safer in life if you don’t have any friends.


please pray for my sons Thursten and Gorse who have just glued themselves to a curtain,