@vaginadental

Pavlov: the dogs salivate when I ring a bell

Me: weird. Why?

Pavlov: they connect two unrelated events due to repeated conditioning

Me: haha stupid animals

Pavlov: the experiment took 69 days

Me: nice

You Might Also Like

@eedrk

girl: My dad died when i was little, his car got hit by a train
Me: what kind of train

@SaxMouse

I feel like all bears are Bad News Bears. I’ve never seen a bear and was like “Oh, he looks like he has good news for us, lets stick around”

@paulrobalino

Aoccdrnig to Ylae rseaerch, it deosn’t mtater waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are in, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is how mcuh mnoey you hvae

@rickkondell

Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.

@WheelTod

My perfect woman has the brain of Marie Curie & the body of Marilyn Monroe. This obsession with extreme memorabilia is perhaps her only flaw

@_BryanZ_

If I die before I wake, please convince mom this twitter account is fake. Amen.

@sonictyrant

[Emergency Room]

Me: *dying on table*

Doctor: I’ve never lost a patient and I’m not going to *notices my crocs* Time of death 10:05 P.M.

@rockymomax

[i bite into an apple and a swarm of bees comes flying out]
“this gives me an idea for a restaurant”

@LlamaInaTux

friend: my dad said he was “going for cigarettes” and never came back

me: oh wow me too

[meanwhile]

Our dads: *raggedy beards* let’s try aisle 7