I ran into my ex today.
Long story short, my car is totaled.
*paw prints all your dogs to figure out which one ate my sandwich when I went to the bathroom*
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me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now
ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E
me: ….please stop
My 6yo told me that I’m the best mom he’s ever had, and I was like wait… how many moms have you had? What happened to them? Are they ok? Please don’t feed me to the tigers.
My neighbors, leaf blowing Larry and tile cutting Tim, are in the midst of a noise war, so I blasted “Let it Go” and won.
Here’s a list of all the things my toddler doesn’t fight me on:
me: who’s ur favorite actor
me: before you answer, did u know air bud and beethoven were played by the same dog
date: holy shit
Dog (wearing headset):
So when I realized I didn’t *have* to fetch the ball, the power dynamic between me and my human shifted dramatically.
uncle ben: remember pete, with great power comes great responsibility
peter parker: you’re right i should stop crimes with my webs
uncle ben (scared): ok.
Being wrong is most effective when done loudly.