@Wames_Jaters
Why are there no owls here? I WAS LEAD TO BELIEVE THERE WOULD BE OWLS HERE!
#hooters
@thepoetknight
*pays $20 for deluxe car wash*
*hits roughly 3,287,998 bugs during 2 mile drive home*
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@Wames_Jaters
@WarrenHolstein
Janay Rice says the elevator attack was all part of God’s plan. God must not like her very much.
@Shade510
In hell your dog dresses you in goofy outfits.
@PMTheron1
How much for the best friend?
Manager : Sir, we’ve been through this, our cashiers aren’t for sale.
@thejamietighe
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
@KyloR3n
dear diary
today i got to first base
it was a rebel base
i destroyed it
@JustASmirk
My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed.
@meganamram
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and street signals are still only telling white people to cross
@ebruenig
Gandalf: It is in men that we must place our hope
Elrond: Have you seen their tweets