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@poutinesmoothie: Peanut brittle, because you have a craving for peanut butter and ceramic tile.
@Whatever__cc: Prayers for my son.
He’s now telling his sister that period cramps can’t possibly hurt ‘that bad.’
@Bob_Janke: Hope my neighbors like my new pet howler monkeys
@TheTweetOfGod: Being wrong is most effective when done loudly.
@DaddyJew: Sorry for teaching your kids to yell "STRANGER DANGER" whenever you tell them they can't have something LOL
@michaelianblack: Got to admire these NFL players who are so committed to their jobs of beating the shit out of people that they do it even in their off time.