Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
Pelican: OMG she is gorgeous
Water buffalo: Who?
P: That beautiful flamingo over there.
WB: Go talk to her.
P: She’s way out of my league, I don’t think I can.
WB: What do I always tell you Gary? You’re a Pelican…
WB/P: …not a Pelicant.
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“Feel the burn” yells my fitness instructor as I think that’s probably how Satan greets people in Hell.
Me: I’m gonna make you an offer you can’t refuse.
Him: Ma’am, for the last time, we don’t have a limit on how much liquor you can buy.
Facebook: YOU HAVE MEMORIES TO LOOK BACK ON! HERE’S YOUR WEDDING!
Me: Christine divorced me
Fb: IT’S BOB’S BIRTHDAY!
Me: He stole Christine
Fb: HERE’S A PHOTO OF YOUR DOG!
Me: They took the dog
Fb: I KNOW
Me: Why are you doing this
Fb: YOU HAVE MEMORIES TO LOOK BACK ON
1. Get in hammock.
3. Try and get out of hammock.
5. Don’t fight it and just accept that this is where you live now.
Lassie, get help!
I jump out in front of you and open my trenchcoat, but I’m fully clothed. I start showing you the kittens I keep in the pockets. Are they wearing their own tiny raincoats? Heck yeah they are
Inspiring: Celebrities Spell Out ‘We’re All In This Together’ With Their Yachts
“I don’t understand swimming. You don’t see fish going for a walk.”
If we had gender equality we’d ALL give birth through our ass. And no more Men from Mars & Women from Venus, everyone would be from Uranus.