I tried playing dead to see how my 6 yr old would react… turns out if i die he’ll poke me and go down stairs and eat chips…
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You think I’m over dramatic? When an octopus gets upset, it eats itself. THAT’S over dramatic.
Son: Daddy, when does this end?
Me: No-one knows, our existence is a long, bleak road upon which we travel until the final embrace of death
Son: I mean when does this party end?
Someone die? Time to get high!
Come on down to Barry’s Death Emporium where we put the FUN in funeral and the RAVE in grave!
A cactus is just a cucumber going through a punk phase.
some inanimate objects that are secretly plotting against you
god: u can eat things twice ur size
snake: ok but how
god: go like 😮
god: then u just kinda :O
Heard a guy talking about Belgian whistles.
“A basic website costs 10k, or 25k upwards if you want all the Belgian whistles,” he said.
Sorry I followed your minivan for an hour. I got caught up in the movie your kids were watching and wanted to see how it ends.