@jensrmk: People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
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@AnOrangeSNES: [1st Date] (Okay, don't let her know you're addicted to eating fruit) Me: This is good [2nd Date] [3rd Date] [4th Date] [5th Date] Her: Stop
@TheAlexNevil: WIFE: Did you take care of that thing I asked you to do? ME: No. WIFE: I’ve asked you at least 10 times. ME: I’ll get it done this afternoon. WIFE: You better. ME (terrified): [has no idea what she asked me to do.]
@Reverend_Scott: SON: I need lunch money. DAD: Get a job. SON: I'm in 5th grade- DAD: All I'm hearin' is excuses.