@jensrmk: People always ask, would you rather be right or happy? I have always found I'm happiest when I'm right!
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@audipenny: [speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens
@Dawn_M_: I stepped on two raccoons today, but I'm just gonna play it cool and wear them as slippers for the rest of my life.
@johnfreiler: if you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
@Mr_Kapowski: Honestly Officer, the pharmacy ran out of those orange pill bottles so they just gave it to me in this plastic baggie.