@BigPlanetEarth

People are like books. You can’t judge them by the outside and it’s not cool to burn a big pile of them.

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@philandher96

“It helps knowing that everyone else will die with me if we crash.”

~my 11yo on why she’s not afraid to fly unaccompanied

@DearAuntAbby

I say I’m medibaked when I get high cause words are fun, but werges like fantabulous are even more bestacular.

@Fred_Delicious

The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.

@NikkiGlaser

What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, “who emptied the dishwasher?!”

@SoVeryBritish

“Sorry, could I just squeeze by?”

<person doesn’t move an inch>

“Thanks”

@XplodingUnicorn

Me: I love living in a place with four seasons.

Me, the first day I have to scrape ice off my car: Screw this entire state.

@trilldrone

“911 what’s your em-”

STAMPEDE

“slow down sir”

IN THE GORGE

“sir I’m gonna need you t-”

SIMBAS DOWN THERE