Her: What do you look for in a relationship?
Me: A way out.
People are like books. You can’t judge them by the outside and it’s not cool to burn a big pile of them.
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“It helps knowing that everyone else will die with me if we crash.”
~my 11yo on why she’s not afraid to fly unaccompanied
I say I’m medibaked when I get high cause words are fun, but werges like fantabulous are even more bestacular.
Best courtroom exchange ever.
The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.
What if ISIS started claiming responsibility for nice things like when my mom says, “who emptied the dishwasher?!”
“Sorry, could I just squeeze by?”
<person doesn’t move an inch>
Me: I love living in a place with four seasons.
Me, the first day I have to scrape ice off my car: Screw this entire state.
“911 what’s your em-”
“slow down sir”
IN THE GORGE
“sir I’m gonna need you t-”
SIMBAS DOWN THERE