@3sunzzz: People are posting pictures of their Christmas trees all decorated, and I'm over here like, "Does anyone know if we have a clean plate?!"
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@sammyrhodes: My wife: "Can you pass me the stud finder?" Me: "You're the stud finder!" *deep, awkward silence* Me: "Here it is."
@KimmyMonte: Rejected Pixar Movie Titles: House Float Find My Fish Son Automobile People A Rat Cooked This Ugh, We Gotta Find Another Fish
@ArfMeasures: Kid in park *crying* I don't know where my mom's gone to Me: Oh no, that's terrible! Wife: Talk to him Me: Hey kid *kneels* don't end a sentence with a preposition
@anerdonfire2: We were just four regular guys who became legends thanks to karoke night and The Spice Girls