@SortaBad

people complain a lot about the airport but i find it pretty hard to criticize a community that so strongly embraces breakfast pizza and sleeping on the ground

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@JD_KC

House is clean. Time to sell the children and move.

@McJesse

Woman on bus just pulled her mask down to cough.

@meganamram

Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph

@Sassafrantz

Gynecologist: ok, I just need you to open up…

Me, interrupting: As a middle child, I never felt good enough.

Gynecologist: Um, your legs

@michaelianblack

Any celebrities who are thinking of dying soon, please befriend me so I can relate a moving and humorous anecdote when you pass.