@mstluvstrinkets: People dating on the internet have it so easy. Back in my day, a man would walk uphill both ways in the snow to disappoint a woman.
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@MrT1M: Most computer problems stem from the lack of a fatherboard. No? Ok, I'll show myself out.
@iRowlf: Sorry I look depressed. It's just that when I heard the sound of your high heels on the hardwood floor, I thought a pony was in the house.
@heidi420x: I haven't been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn't lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I've told to cops.
@jazmasta: *sits at bar and loosens tie after a tough day at the office* Bartender: Usual? Me: Make it a large one Bartender: One large milk coming up