@TheDailySchmuck: People have underestimated me my entire life, and they've been wrong on like two of those days.
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@TheBoydP: Show me someone who says they've traveled to the four corners of the earth and I will show you someone who's failed geometry and geography.
@iamburtjarvis: [in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. righty-tighty, lefty-loosey her: what? me: what?
@junejuly12: Him: I’m so high right now...no one has ever been so high Me: oh yeah? *whips out a photo of my hair circa 1989*