“Rethink this?” buddy I didn’t even think this the first time
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me: can we please find out when we’ll be getting results
my english teacher: may
me: sorry, may we please find out when we’ll be getting results
my english teacher: no i mean the month
You know what I love about having kids? Not having them.
“I’m sorry I named my daughter ‘Paige.’ It seemed funny at the time.”
– a confession of Nat Turner
Cop: do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: yeah I do but sad news buddy, I’m married
Schools: Children need consistency and routine
Also schools: Daily class times will be the lucky numbers from your fortune cookie
Made some terrible life choices the last few years.
Just kidding. I’m married and not allowed to make decisions.
Before you tell a woman her makeup is askew, be sure she’s actually wearing makeup.
The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum. They’re the Tolkien white guys.
The overwhelming majority of haunted stuff happens in hallways and stairways, which is why a studio apartment is the best choice ghost-wise.