DJ: “MARRIED PEOPLE IN THE CLUB TONIGHT MAKE SOME NOOOIISE!”
*a solitary gunshot*
People in my office act like they’ve never seen someone in formal working pajamas before.
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SHEEPLE, WAKE UP! THE SAME CANDY THEY CALL “HALLOWEEEEEEN” CANDY IS AVAILABLE ALL YEAR LO…get off me…let go…NEVER FORGET!
Hubs and I didn’t touch our phones at all during dinner.
Mainly bc eating crab legs takes two hands, but still, it felt romantic-ish.
I’m putting “open bar” on my invitations, but its gonna be a cash bar. Just because its my 3rd wedding doesn’t mean u can skip it, slackers.
Best observation on financial markets that anyone has ever made or will ever make:
no, dont go there
dont touch that
no, leave it alone
keep your hands off!
a typical morning with my 3yo (or pissed off with my husband)
Dolly Madison should make snack cakes for diet “cheat days” and call them Ashley Madisons.
If I’m reading this DNA report correctly, the thin lines here and the thick lines over here mean nothing is my fault.
Me and my mates are in a band called duvet.
We’re a cover band
I remember when I was a kid I could go to the store with $1 and come home with 3 bags of chips 2 candy bars 6 packs of starburst and a cold drink. nowadays they got cameras everywhere