I wonder which woman said….. “yep I’m gonna put it in my mouth and see what happens.”
People on Facebook Nowadays:
*Clicks pic while sipping coffee*
*Posts as DP with irrelevant caption: Every scar makes me who I am*
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Saying “to each his own” is the best way to tell someone you respect their right to have an extremely stupid opinion.
When the devil buys your soul he makes you sign a contract because even though he is pure evil he has an unshakable respect for tort law.
Date: do you wanna come up for coffee?
Me: no thanks. I hate stairs
Date: coffee means sex
Me: how many stairs?
Me: sorry, I can’t take strangers from candy
Giant gummy bear handing me a person: oh no
Netflix should have the option to not just resume from when you shut it off, but to resume from when you fell asleep.
I’m in pretty decent shape for a dude who was in a serious car accident and spent the last six weeks recovering in a hospital bed. That didn’t happen to me–it’s just a good yardstick for the kind of shape I’m in.
I don’t know what upsets me more, the fact that that guy stole my tweet or that he only got 2 retweets off of it
I’ve never seen a runner smiling.
So that’s all I need to know about that.
I worry for women who get whisked off without warning on magical journeys. Like, girl, grab some tampons. They don’t have those in Narnia.