People say “life’s a journey, not a destination,” because the destination is death. The journey sucks too. Anyway, to the bride and groom!
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HOLD YOUR HORSES. Love your horses. Remind your horses everyday how much you love them. Feed your horses.
Not a big conspiracy theory guy but I’m convinced that Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars are made by Dyson.
The worst is that a 27 y/o who wanted to marry Charles Manson & charge ppl to see his corpse had more of a future financial plan than we do.
An app similar to Google Maps except it highlights all of the areas in your city that are believed to be haunted.
If I ever tried to “cook the books” they’d end up burnt and that’s why I’m not an accountant
[on Wheel of Fortune]
OPE__ MOU__H I__SER__ FOO__
Me: (with bank of $15,250) I’d like to solve the puzzle!!
Pat Sajak: Go Ahead, Darla.
Me: OPEN MOUTH INSERT FOOD
Studio audience: *groans*
She: I enjoy long walks on the beach.
Me: *nod knowingly* Because you want to lose weight.
People who get lost in a book are so dumb. Like, the pages are literally numbered and in order.
Everyone needs that one friend that will promise to redraw your chalk outline to make you look skinnier.