@SarcasticAlly12

People say “life’s a journey, not a destination,” because the destination is death. The journey sucks too. Anyway, to the bride and groom!

You Might Also Like

@andreeahluscu

HOLD YOUR HORSES. Love your horses. Remind your horses everyday how much you love them. Feed your horses.

@RickAaron

Not a big conspiracy theory guy but I’m convinced that Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars are made by Dyson.

@behindyourback

The worst is that a 27 y/o who wanted to marry Charles Manson & charge ppl to see his corpse had more of a future financial plan than we do.

@roxiqt

An app similar to Google Maps except it highlights all of the areas in your city that are believed to be haunted.

@envydatropic

If I ever tried to “cook the books” they’d end up burnt and that’s why I’m not an accountant

@Darlainky

[on Wheel of Fortune]

Puzzle- Phrase:
OPE__ MOU__H I__SER__ FOO__

Me: (with bank of $15,250) I’d like to solve the puzzle!!

Pat Sajak: Go Ahead, Darla.

Me: OPEN MOUTH INSERT FOOD

Buzzer: *beeps*

Studio audience: *groans*

@FranksGrapjes

1st date
She: I enjoy long walks on the beach.
Me: *nod knowingly* Because you want to lose weight.

@radtoria

People who get lost in a book are so dumb. Like, the pages are literally numbered and in order.

@wickedsuga

Everyone needs that one friend that will promise to redraw your chalk outline to make you look skinnier.