On 20th wedding anniversary, giving wife a book called
“The Many Benefits of Kegels”.
Is not a great idea.
I know this now.
People say “you’ll ruin your appetite” like I have to be hungry to eat.
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‘Active’ shower gel because I have no idea what active smells like.
I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it.
So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to.
I’ve been shelling pistachios for 3 hours now, I have 9.
I never took a drama class but everyone at this birthday believes that I love this gluten free cake.
My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie.
Certain people have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves
But I don’t like to point fingers
Instead of death, we should just call it ‘eternity leave’
the only way to save the bees is by beeing fiscally responsible. don’t spend the bees faster than you earn them. start a bee savings account. set yourself a bee budget