Don’t feel like going to the gym?
Go to all your ex’s facebook pages and see who they’re dating now.
Then go to the gym.
People that start a sentence with “Now I’m not trying to be rude” are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.
You Might Also Like
relationships are fun if you like being yelled at for facing the wrong direction while you sleep
My daughter is playing “Away in a Manger” on the recorder if anyone wanna come over.
my girlfriend was cold so i bought her a fur coat. #Snowmageddon2015
Tell me twitter, just how the f am I similar to a Buick dealership?
Me: *paddles kayak in circles until someone comes out to help me*
Them: You need some help out here?
Me: Can you bring me a beer?
me: [don’t let her know you’re a microwave]
her: my food is a bit cold
me: [my head starts slowly rotating]
Him: What’re you doing
Me: Watching a chicken strip
H: Why don’t you just eat it
M: BECAUSE SHE’S BUSY DANCING, TODD
Five Secrets of Successful People:
“What’s your biggest weakness?”
“I don’t think-”
“I broke into ur house and made love to ur cat last night”