People used to have to hunt for food now its like omg two people are in line ahead of me at Starbucks.

You Might Also Like


ME: *holding door wide open for her*

HER: Are you saying I’m fat?


*knock on the door
Satan: Yes?
Santa (pissed): STILL getting your mail!


[March 15]
Brutus: Going 2 the senate?
Caesar: yeah u?
Brutus: yep it’ll be killer
Caesar: how so?
Brutus: like cool u know rad senate stuff


When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I’m just patting him down to make sure he’s not wearing a wire.


If your one of those people whose not very good at grammar, that makes too of us.


A horse, a penguin and a chimp walked into a bar and that’s when I realised I was drunk.


Dropping 11yo off at school.

11yo: Take Lankershim home, there will be less traffic.

Me: But then I’ll pass a McDonalds and I’ll want to stop.

11yo: You’ve only got about 40 years left. Live your life.


I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve received a lot of emails that find me well.