Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
[Two Minutes Later]
I’m lost in the woods, my phone is on 1% and I think I hear a bear. Send help
People who are complaining of shoveling driveways, haven’t you heard of moving?
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Reflections on this mirror appear uglier than they really are because of the erroneous standards of beauty set by our judgemental society.
Cinderella taught me that everything will work out just fine so long as you have unconscionably small feet.
If ignorance truly is bliss, my coworkers must be in a constant state of euphoria.
What do people who drive 20 mph slower in the rain want from us
DATE: my eyes are up here
ME: [imediately looking up from their dog] sorry
Palin: I’m seriously considering a presidential run.
Reporter: Do you even know what the word seriously means?
Palin: Don’t refudiate me.
I ran without my headphones today & was reminded that I feel better about my fitness when my soundtrack isn’t my panicked gasping breathing.
I wanna work at a bank so I can get that employee discount on money
POLICE! OPEN UP, WE KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE. WELL, WE DON’T KNOW BUT WE’RE KINDA HOPING YOU ARE COS IT WAS A LONG DRIVE & JIM NEEDS TO PEE.