@JoeRegular4

People who call it duck tape must be smoking quack.

You Might Also Like

@dimplesticks

My dinosaur expert child just schooled me

Me: What’s the difference between the diplodocus and the brachiosaurus?

5yo: They have different names

@_making_friends

I’m currently between relationships.

The couple on my right are kissing and I think the couple on my left are about to start doing it.

@CatalystNB

14 year olds be talkin bout “im a dom,” son the only thing u should be dominating is that geometry test tomorrow get studying

@peachesanscream

New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can’t keep him 🙁 He’s ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.

@GrantTanaka

[dog park]
Dog: omg I just found out I’m adopted
Other Dogs: [barking in shock]

@squirrel74wkgn

You should’ve seen the confused look on my neighbor’s faces when they came downstairs to a fresh pot of coffee this morning.

@stockejock

When a cop pulls you over for a DUI at 2am on Friday night & tells you to walk the line-it’s never good to start singing Johnny Cash songs.

@UncleDuke1969

I always answer “I know” when folks say “Nice to see you”.

I think it’s only polite to acknowledge their good fortune.

@joe_binkley

Women’s deodorant: Spring Breeze, Lilac, Gentle Sunshine.

Men’s deodorant: Sport, Mountain, Forest Fire, Rage, Fistfight, Childhood Angst.

@TheBoydP

Don’t be ridiculous, I would never use capitalization as a form of passive aggressive behavior karen.