@lecalabara: Ok gas pump, enough! Credit or debit? Zip code? Reward Card? Car Wash? Receipt? What octane? It takes less buttons to launch a nuke!

@ObscureGent: Can't go to sleep. I'm not sure if I should blame the cup of coffee I had at noon or vintage clown doll sitting at the foot of my bed.

@JustASmirk: My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed.

@kbizzo30: Took the only water bottle from my car that wasn’t frozen to class.... long story short which one of my friends left a water bottle full of Malibu in my car

@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently a guy named George Martin leaked all the main plot points of the next season of Game of Thrones in some books he published. Jerk.