@LoveNLunchmeat: People who say losing weight is "just math" clearly have no idea how far out of my way I go to avoid math.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@lecalabara: Ok gas pump, enough! Credit or debit? Zip code? Reward Card? Car Wash? Receipt? What octane? It takes less buttons to launch a nuke!
@ObscureGent: Can't go to sleep. I'm not sure if I should blame the cup of coffee I had at noon or vintage clown doll sitting at the foot of my bed.
@JustASmirk: My wife is the most beautiful, intelligent person standing right behind me reading my Twitter feed.
@kbizzo30: Took the only water bottle from my car that wasn’t frozen to class.... long story short which one of my friends left a water bottle full of Malibu in my car