@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheIronSherk: Almost went outside without my phone and now I know what it’s like to lose your child at the mall
@TEXASVETERAN: All women want is to have a relationship with an intelligent man. The only problem is that intelligent men don't get into relationships.
@AngryRaccoon2: I'm at a kids fun park and let me just emphasize that the word "fun" is used loosely here.
@OwensDamien: In an attempt to build some exercise into my daily routine, I’ve put the biscuits on a higher shelf. Boy, I’m gonna be sore tomorrow.