@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.
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@Parentpains: Apparently, women only enjoy a nice romantic breakfast in bed when they know how you got in their house.
@3sunzzz: [Walmart] 3: *drops cracker, picks up cracker, starts to eat it* Me: GIVE ME THAT! We don't eat off of the floor here, this isn't Target!
@thestlouisan: I'm 39 and I still don't know where to look when the dentist is working on my teeth.
@BitterWaterBlue: Out of Office Auto-Reply: I'm sorry but I'm overwhelmed and I don't have my shit together right now so it's going to be a while until I get back to you, and even when I do it may be a series of sighs and grunts in email form.