Here you go, Merry Christmas!
“Dad, why’d you wrap our gifts in soft fabric?”
Because I wanted to make-
Mom: NO DON’T
My presents felt
People who say they “Like to have fun”…
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I think i just found this ice cream cone’s g-spot
Paranormal activity camera 3:33am…
Only catches me eating a chicken leg while doing the robot in my underwear.
I like to make sure my breath is always fresh.
*eats entire sleeve of Thin Mints*
So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she’s just pregnant.
There’s no law that says you can’t make a tiny swimming pool in your belly button for a gummy bear pool party.
This salad isn’t going to toss itself. *winks*
– Things you shouldn’t say as you pass food around the Thanksgiving table 🙁
If I was a witch I would cast vague and subtle spells. So and so never gets to see a rainbow again. That type of stuff.
Dolls have given us an unrealistic image of women. For example, I found out Russian women do not contain smaller Russian women inside them.