@juliussharpe: People with Bluetooth headsets always look like the least important people you could possibly call.
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@notashleywintle: My boyfriend: Me: hey no pressure but if we got married this week on 4/20 our 50th anniversary would be 4/20/69 just something to think about
@SortaBad: Prom Date: [coming down stairs in dress] How do I look? Me, super woke cool guy: You look empowered & worthy of equal salary compensation
@Junkyardigan: What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. *drops mic* *deletes account*