The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive
ME: uh okay *gets in*
[CAR JUST LITERALLY FALLS APART]
People without kids who give other people’s kids messy or annoying toys..
Imagine that we gave you a monkey with a kazoo and fingerpaints..
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I accidentally left an open bag of birdseed on the porch, and word spread that this is the full-size Halloween candy bar house of the squirrel community.
ME: You could cut the tension with a knife
CABLE CAR OPERATOR: Please don’t
“It meant nothing to me, babe. I swear!”
When my girl catches me in the closet eating Devil’s food cake with my bare hands.
No matter how rich or famous you become, when you die, the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.
My whole life is that moment when you send an important e-mail mentioning an attachment without the actual attachment.
I read a description of my personality and it warned that I should be careful not to let myself fall into “hermit mode” and I’m like hermit mode sounds awesome how do I unlock hermit mode
Me: It’s a cardigan.
The way your stick figures take up your whole back window tells me you need a bigger car and a class on condoms.