“Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people.”
Perhaps Charles Manson is a selfless lover.
YOU don’t know.
You Might Also Like
*bolts upright in bed, instantly wide awake in the middle of the night*
“FIRE TRUCKS SHOULD BE CALLED WATER TRUCKS”
“Did you remember to take the dog out?”
Ah crap, I forgot
[Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS
Hubby is trying to get it up…There we go…Ok now it won’t go down-oh there it goes…Shit, now it’s going back up!
Garage door is broken
Why aren’t marriage prevention hotlines a thing?
Him: so do you prefer top or bottom?
Me: either, as long as there’s butter
Him: are we still talking about se-
Me: muffins, yes
Facebook is pretty much the Wal-Mart of the internet.
You drop ONE baby and everyone’s all like, “Quit juggling babies Steve. You’re the worst babysitter ever!”
This sounds bad:
Little known fact: Fergie stopped making music cuz she ran out of words she knew how to spell.