I’ll be emotionally available again as soon as they find Bigfoot.
Person: “I hate geology puns.”
Me: “My sediments exactly.”
You Might Also Like
I get distracted too easily to be a burglar. I’d just end up playing with your dogs, or feeding your fish and then leaving.
The reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I love carbs so much, I’d let them look through my phone.
H: Well, the remote was definitely broken, so I went and bought a new one.
H: Oh, and it came with this 75″ television.
It’s like 10 thousand spoons when all you need is a chainsaw.
ME: I play for the Philadelphia Eagles.
HER: What position do u play?
ME: I’m a *thinks back to the only game I watched* wide-retriever.
I got a 100 dollar giftcard to Kmart and now I can’t decide which Kmart I want to buy.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
My son just lost a tooth and wants money, not soy sauce packets this time.