DOCTOR: You only got one body. You should take care of it.
ME: If I only got one body, I should probably use it up. Really run it ragged.
ME: Get my money’s worth.
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Anyone: You go girl!
Me: Omg, ok. Yes. Finally. *walks away*
*An elf cop pulls Frodo riding an ent over*
Elf Cop: Where ya going?
Frodo: To throw a ring into a volcano!
EC: Step out of the treehicle
Cinderella: thanks for finding my shoe 🙂
Prince: no problem. will u marry me
Twenty years ago today I walked across the stage and proudly accepted a diploma from Harvard University, a day I’ll never forget. I was promptly tackled by security and charged with trespassing, but man, what a moment.
Find a penny
Pick it up
& all the day
You’ll have significantly raised chances of contracting a bacterial infection …
I’m already getting anxious over Christmas due to my Santa Claustrophobia-the fear of being smothered in an elevator by a crowd of Santas.
HR: Alright people, let’s be a little more sensitive to Linda because she’s pregnant with child
Sally [who is pregnant with a hedgehog]: *sigh*
Summer vacation with my kids is just me asking, “Have you brushed your teeth today?”