Are they bowling to earn soup or bowling on behalf of soup
Seeking hostile female rage rhino to suffocate me with her thighs. Smoker’s cough a plus. Oxygen tank required. No crazies.
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I’d watch Pimp My Ride: One Year Later, a show about people coming to terms with maintaining a fish tank and waffle-maker in a Ford Fiesta.
After 17 years I can say with authority that the key to a long marriage is being too lazy to get up off the couch and set your spouse on fire
BRUTUS: hail Caesar *draws knife*
CEASAR: not this time *hands Brutus an Uno “reverse” card*
ROMAN SENATE:*stabs Brutus to death*
Can you die from sitting on the floor to play with your kid, because I just tried to get up and it feels like you can die from it.
Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying “the economy” a lot.
For a good party trick, drill a hole in the top of your medicine cabinet and fill it with marbles before you invite people over.
Legalize Marijuana and Criminalize Karaoke.
For every person pleased at meeting their TC in real life. Another 762 are climbing out of bathroom windows and smashing their phone.
Don’t worry. Nobody else wants Sharona.