@TrainedHedonist: Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore.
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@Phook75: So apparently RSVP'ing back to a wedding invite 'maybe next time' isn't the correct response
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Comcast Cable acquiring Time Warner Cable is a lot like your proctologist acquiring a bigger finger.
@LindaInDisguise: I hate how Pinterest highlights that some moms make pancakes that look like animals when I can't even make pancakes that look like pancakes.
@shutupmikeginn: If someone tried to make me dig my own grave I would say no. They're going to kill me anyway and I'd love to die the way I lived: avoiding manual labor.