1. Elizardbeth

2. that’s it

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[spelling bee]

Moderator: your word is sentence

Me: can you use it in a sentence?

Moderator: your word is sentence


bf took me to get undies n he wanted to embarrass me so he said real loud: “i can’t wait to rip these off with my teeth” n i replied with: “seriously u need to stop, ur my brother”

i won


Tried to back up today in a car without a rear facing camera. I killed seven pedestrians and three dogs.


I don’t hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.





me: [slowly removing tiara i made out of binder clips]


Food just tastes better upside-down
1. upside-down cake
2. hamburgers
3. not cereal tho
4. oh no cereal is everywhere
5. why did I do this


You’re like a dressing room

You make me want to take my clothes off and try things