“The rules are quite simple, Mr Bond: I think of a word, you guess letters in that word. If you guess wrong I draw a picture a man hanging.”
me: excuse me, do u work here?
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MY MOM: [handing me my hulk hands] Good luck on your date tonight.
[Advert for hiking]
Do you hate walking? Would you like to hate it even more?
If I had kids I would name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete so when they misbehaved I would just hit them all at once.
[@ Sunbeam Bread factory job interview]
Boss: Your resume says you are “definitely not 3 ducks in a suit.”
3 Ducks In A Suit: That’s correct
Interviewer: “What’s your greatest strength?”
*45 minutes later*
Me: “I’m very comfortable with silence.”
*wears an “Only God Can Judge Me” t-shirt to court*
Just realized my undies are on inside out .. Was gonna change them around . but I figured let the other side get sum action for a change .
Bump into Kanye in public, pretend you don’t recognize him, and say
“EXCUSE ME ORDINARY CITIZEN”
Then watch how mad he gets.