Pfft. Of course I know pound town has nothing to do with pound cake. Everyone knows that.

*slides fork into back pocket, fights back tears*

You Might Also Like


ME: Can you stop the car here? I wanna pet the dogs at that animal shelter.



2017 – Wizard of Oz

[opening credits]

Dorothy: *opens weather app*

[end credits]


I changed my name in my daughters phone to God…just texted her and said “I saw that” You should of seen her face. Priceless


My wife just texted to tell me that she killed a spider all by herself, get my union rep on the phone, stat.


Elephant: wow I’m huge, what do I eat?

God: peanuts

Elephant: what?

God: *remembering Mr. Peanut breaking up with him over text*


God: all of them


*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!


*prospective pet owner interview

Dog (suspicious): Uh huh. And what exactly do you want from me in exchange for this “food” and “shelter”?


*walks into your house*
*sees doll collection*
*backs out slowly lest the dolls notice me and decide to attack*


Date nights are great to bond with your spouse over why the hell are the spoons in the fork rack