You gotta hand it to him. Otherwise, we can’t finish this relay race.
philosophy professor: you must question everything
me: *grabs lamp and shakes it* what have you been doing all day, you piece of shit
You Might Also Like
“How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?”
– Not in a kids movie, dude.
“Ok, but it’s puppy skin?”
– Oh, then YES!
*Action movie guy gets shot 3 times* It’s nothing, I’ll be fine. *gets shot a 4th time* Wow ok, that last one, ok whoooooo.
“Holy shit. That butterfly’s gonna be HUGE.”
— First person to find a mummy
Garfield: I hate Mondays
Therapist: You don’t even have a job
It’s fun to smudge your lipstick and ruffle your hair before you come out of your bosses office, then give your work colleagues a wink.
Girlfriend mentioned she was lacking iron in her diet.nnnI gave her all my wrinkled shirts.nnnAnd that’s how the fight started.
Parents that tell u “it’s just a little noise” when their kid cries on a train are the same ones who knock on ur door when the music is loud
Drunk octopus wants to fight. He will rip your coat off your back.