[awesome life of caterpillar]
1) all I do is eat, awesome
2) time to sleep in this cozy bag, awesome
3) *wakes up*OMG I CAN FLY NOW, AWESOME
Me: I can’t stop eating
Friend: omg me too
M: I eat all the time
F: I’m always eating
M: I’m eating cheese now
F: I love cheese
Me: I want cereal
M: and cake
F: or a donut
M: anyway good to catch up
F: so good
M: take care
You Might Also Like
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I’m not even married.
The man who invented PIN numbers and ATM machines has died.
May he RIP in peace.
I just put on jeans right out of the dryer and my Fitbit exploded.
This is just the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.
-Me eating tofu
[At dinner with wife’s friends]
Me: may I chime in
Wife: I swear to God if you brought your chimes-
*my bag dings a little as I unzip it*
I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.
7-year-old: You got a letter!
Me: It’s a bill. I owe money.
7: Not if you throw it away.
She’s my financial planner now.