@MumInBits

-phone call-

Me: I can’t stop eating
Friend: omg me too
M: I eat all the time
F: I’m always eating
M: I’m eating cheese now
F: I love cheese
Me: I want cereal
F: yes!
M: and cake
F: or a donut
M: yup
F:
M:
F:
M: anyway good to catch up
F: so good
M: take care
F: bye

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Keep your friends close and your friends that give away large sums of cash as a gift even closer.

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You wouldn’t believe all of the Easter eggs I just found lying in the grass outside of this preschool.

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Tell her to calm down.

You’re dead now but the argument is over.

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7: You were in a war?
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@Dawn_M_

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@punmagnate

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@cheers27402373

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@capnwatsisname

ME: I wonder why you have to disclose if someone died in a house you’re selling, but not a car

COUPLE NO LONGER BUYING MY CAR: we can walk from here, I think