@ceejoyner

Pick up artists and garbage men should switch names.

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@sock_holliday

YouTuber: if you like this video smash that subscribe button

Hulk: way ahead of you bud

@iamspacegirl

*makes graveyard even scarier by carving all the tombstones into shark fins*

@Cali_Kid_Mike

Narcissist? Let’s just calm down with the big words and keep this conversation about me.

@marinarachael

I don’t know why we have three different pig emojis but it’s great for when you need to tell someone a pig is slowly approaching:
🐖

🐷

🐽

@stephenjmolloy

“Installing this app on a smartphone or tablet will mean everyone in the house can easily adjust the thermostat.”

Dads in unison: “Nooooo!”

@Brampersandon_

*zips up tent*
[Wife]: What happened
[Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh..
*flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear

@DamienFahey

Piss me off in the grocery store and I’ll get in front of you in the checkout line and pay for a single tomato with a personal check.