They say dress for the job you want, so here I am, causally dressed as the moon
PILLOW: Hey, your anniversary is today, go buy her some flowers
ME: Wow, thank God for memory foam
You Might Also Like
*Sees couple arguing in store*
*Discreetly drops a pregnancy test into the cart*
If you start your emails with “Greetings” let me be the first to welcome you to Earth.
My whole life is that moment when you send an important e-mail mentioning an attachment without the actual attachment.
911: What’s your emergency?
Me: Do you think I’m pretty
Walmart pokes holes in the condoms to ensure customer retention.
Log Entry 21: it’s been 3 weeks & we’re still lost in this Macy’s. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.
I don’t even bother moving when my Fitbit is charging. There’s no point.