The first person to milk a cow probably saw a baby cow nursing and was like oh yeah people do that too and I have no food I don’t wanna die
pir·ou·ette – /ˌpirəˈwet/ (noun)
1) An act of spinning on one foot
2) A tiny gay pirate
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Him: I love redheads. I could totally see you being a great wife.
Me: I could totally see you being a great chalk outline.
One day we’re gonna discover that Squarespace has been committing countless mysterious murders, solely to fuel the Murder Podcast Industry, their no.1 source of advertisement
Bad is accidently sending your buddy a dirty sext intended for your girlfriend.
Worse is getting ‘lemme think about it’ for a reply.
in 70 years, teenagers will commiserate on how their COVID-era grandparents still hoard toilet paper and hand sanitizer. “my grandma keeps a closet full of it!”
PSA: If you have kids, do not label the box of your …ahem.. special items “Toys”. It’s very awkward to explain.
Contents of my wallet just spilled all over the cashier’s counter, so embarrassing, spiders everywhere.
Cigarettes are a lot like hamsters. Perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.