Pizza Hut: May I take your order?

Me: Can you make a large pizza vegetarian?

Pizza Hut: Yes, but don’t ever call me vegetarian again.

You Might Also Like


Me: I like to set goals for myself. Last year I tackled the Rockies

Date: Impressive – so what’s your plan for 2021?

Me: Probably the Rambos


wife: what’s wrong?
slug: boss said I work slowly.
wife: he’s harsh. take it with a grain of-


This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.


In an incredible turn of events we’ve been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz


What if during Halloween people said “creepy crawlidays”


I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally these things don’t bother me but it was in my Big Mac.


Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ve got 5 more rounds in the chamber. You’ll get that moon eventually. He’ll pay for what he did.


[walks into interview wearing light up Sketchers]
WALMART INTERVIEWER: whoa I didn’t know corporate was coming


dentist: it’s important that you don’t scratch your enamel. understand?

me: yes

dentist: great. now open wide so i can claw your teeth with these steel hooks