@distracted_monk: Planet of the Apes is starting to look downright optimistic.
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@LizHackett: I don't want clothes that spark joy. I want clothes in which I can pause in a doorway, look over a shoulder, and utter something devastating before exiting.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Did you give the kids a bath? Me: I got the dirt off. Wife: What does that mean? Me: *hides the leaf blower*
@sharpular: I'm outside Costco and only need a few things. *one hour later* I wonder if this piano will fit in my new helicopter.
@kwkorpi: My dog just winked at me, and now I'm wondering just exactly what the two of us are keeping from the rest of the family.